nana4

I knew when I began my weight loss journey I would encounter many obstacles. I have been overweight most of my life. I just didn’t realize how many obstacles there would be. I have always been an emotional person. I give up too easy if I don’t get things right the first time. It seems like I am always starting over, because of these reasons.

Since I began this journey almost two years ago, I have gone through some very difficult thing with my children. I have had turmoil with co-workers who think I get special treatment because my husband is a supervisor where we work. If they only knew the truth, he is harder on me! I have a grandson who has special needs he is 8 years old. When he was 5 he was suddenly stricken with transverse myaleyetis. Cody spent a month in the hospital and he almost died. He spent 2 ½ weeks in ICU and another week and a half in the hospital after that and then was med flighted back to Virginia where my son and his wife (who was pregnant at the time), and my granddaughter Natasha lived at that time. He has severe neurological problems. He is having great difficulty coping. He has counselors and has one on one in school. My daughter in law has had to go to the school almost every day these past few weeks. He has even threatened to stab himself with pencil. They thought he has ADD and was on medication, which he is now off because they say now it, was not the right one and was contributing to his behavior. My mom has recently had a stroke and she is doing much better as a matter of fact she is going to come home on Monday. My oldest sister is rearranging my moms’ bedroom for a hospital bed and a hoyer lift. For the past two weeks I have had someone dumping my dogs water, and letting him lose and then turning me in to the Animal control. I am not sure where I am with my hubby anymore. We have been married almost 30 years and you think by now you really know someone. I don’t think I do. Yesterday, I find a pair of woman’s sunglasses in our vehicle and I jokingly ask him if they are his girlfriends (I think they belong to my youngest son’s g/f). Any ways he goes yea, right. I say hey, is your g/f hot and skinny? He goes if I ever got a g/f she would be bigger than you! I was like Whooaaaaaaa! I didn’t say a word, but now I think I know why he is not supportive of me! He wants me to stay fat! I get fewer compliments from him now than when I was 80 lbs heavier. I have to fish for compliments. This morning I tell him I lost two of the 3 lbs. I had gained back last week and he said that’s nice! Will he come around I don’t know! Will I continue this journey, YES! I am hoping he comes around, but I have to do what is best for me and my health regardless of how he feels. For years he talked of moving out of state, and I could never do that. I am very close to my family and now we have 4 grandchildren that live here. He hasn’t mentioned this in a very long time.Last night he started in on how he wants to leave the state and he is sick of how I am holding him back. He has not mentioned moving out of state in so long it took me by surprise. We have friends and co-workers who moved to North Carolina over a year ago and then another co-worker that moved there about 6 months ago. He tells me he has been talking with them about moving there and how much better the pay is for the job he is doing now! Another big surprise and it makes me wonder what else he is hiding from me! Maybe it is just paranoia, but why did he hide it from me for so long?  In all honesty and to be fair to him, he has a lot of issues at work right now. With the new company that took over he is not sure of his position and if he is even going to have a job. We will know this next week (we hope)! I can’t keep going back to my old ways of hiding my feelings in a smorgasbord of food. I don’t expect answers, but mostly I needed to get this off my chest. I need a release, and blogging it seems to be the answer for now.

Next week I only have 2 days of work and then I am on break until July 7^th. I hope by then I can get some of this worked through and know where I am at in my life to be able to seriously continue my journey!

Today is a new day and a new beginning! I am going to journal my food and I am going to get in exercise every day!

Lots of Hugs to my buddies who give me so much inspiration and support!