nana4

It is hard to explain but today is a day that is full of mixed emotions for me. It is a day I have been looking forward to for a long time, yet very aprehensive to what the total outcome will be. My middle son who has always been my problem child is coming home. Well not actually to my home, but to his older brother’s home. When he was little he was the one I thought would be someone great when he grew up he knew what he wanted and I always thought he would do it. When he became a teenager, he experimented with drugs and alcohol and started getting into trouble. He was always getting into trouble for one stupid thing after another. He almost didn’t graduate from high school because he missed to much school his senior year when he had a small stint in jail. Well he didn’t apply himself and although he graduated he didn’t get a regular diploma he got an IEP (individual education plan), in other words it was a piece of paper saying he completed school. (While he was in jail this time he got his GED and he plans on going to college.)For the next few years he lived in VA for awhile came back to NY and got into scrapes here and there. Almost 3 years ago he married a woman 17 years older than him. At first I was not happy, but as I came to know his wife I was so hopeful that maybe now he would grow up and do something with his life. The problem was he didn’t alcohol won out again. (they are now in the process of a divorce).He started spending more time with the wrong people and did some stupid stuff once again. In May of 2007 he violated drug court and he has been in jail for over a year. He has a beautiful 3 year old daughter (she will be 4 in Sept.) that he hardly knows. I never got to see her until she was almost 2. While he has been in jail I have been allowed to see her and keep her on weekends. Last weekend was my last of that for awhile I think. You see my g/d mother decided I am not taking her any more. If my son wants to see her I have to call and he can go to her other grandmother’s to see her. This is all a game with them and I am pissed. You see mommy wants my son back and it is not happening, he thought about it and decided it would not work and it would only be worse for my g/d when it ended. I need to talk with him when I get home from work today. He needs to get a job and start paying support so he has a leg to stand on. I know he is an adult (he is 24) but I want him to know I am there to guide him. I have not seen him the whole time he has been in jail. (as a mother I just couldn’t bring myself to go there, I know where he is that is enough, I don’t want to see it.)I have sent him many letters and he has written back. It sounds like he is changing, and that is my hopes and prayers. He has had a long time to think and I hope with all of my heart that he will be the man I know in my heart he can be.

Please keep us in your prayers today!

Biggest HUGS!