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Saturday we went to Pizza Hut! I ate 4 slices! Bad, Bad, Bad! So I figure I will get right back on track Sunday! Wrong, it wasn’t bad choices for Sunday it was a portion control problem! Today is a new day and I am back on track!

I have to go in to work after my morning run today! Hubby has a meeting and I have to dispatch in between my runs this morning! I love doing his job and it makes me feel good when I am asked to do it! There are a few people that give me a hard time, when I do it, but they are just jealous because the boss asks me to do it!

One good thing this weekend that was “UPLIFTING” I finally bought some new bras! It feels so good to finally have my boobs where they belong! LOL…..

It was wonderful having hubby home this weekend! He usually works 7 days a week! The next time though I will have to be more careful about sticking to my eating plan. It was hard and I screwed up big time!

I hope that you all have a wonderful week!

Big HUGS!

and don’t know what to do with them!

I had my doctors appointment the other day. I talked with her about some of the issues I have going on. She put me on medication for depression. I am not one to take drugs, but I know what I have been feeling is not normal so I will try it and see how it goes.

The one thing that I have still loved is my job. I don’t like going into our base, because of issues with some co-workers, but my job itself I have always loved. For those of you who don’t know I am a bus monitor for preschoolers with disabilities. I have four beautiful children who are like additional grandchildren to me. I get along well with there parents and have great communication with them. I have gotten along well with my driver since we began working together over 1 and 1/2 years ago. Well that is until recently. He has always been very nice and he is a very intelligent 65 year old man. We talk about many interesting subjects and I have alwys enjoyed his company. Recently he has made comments that have really hurt my feelings. For example last week, he explained to me my duties as a bus monitor. I was thinking, Duh, I have been doing this job for almost 4 years, I think I know how to do my job. I bit my tongue and didn’t say a word. I have one little girl on the run who has downsyndrome. She is a doll. This is her 3 rd school year and I have been her monitor since she began and before he was my driver. She takes her shoes off almost every day. He complains to the teachers, and tells me not to put them on before they come out so that they have to wait for her, and maybe then they will do something about it. He makes such big deals out of everything now! Then yesterday, I really had to bite my tongue. We were getting another child added and I was given the address by the dispatcher (who happens to be my husband), so I went on yahoo maps and printed out the map from the school to this childs home, to the next child we already had. I also printed out the written directions but made sure there was a map, because I know he likes maps not the written directions which I prefer. We were suppose to take this child home from school in the afternoon. When my driver picked me up, I told him I did a map for  him. He pulled over to look at it and told me THIS IS WORTHLESS! I felt like just getting out and walking back home, but I bit my tongue and looked out my window and let the tears flow, I did not want him to see how much he hurt my feelings! When we got to the school, he went up to talk to the driver who had been transporting this child before we got him. He told the other driver an monitor that my husbands directions were GARBAGE and his wifes was from MARS! Well we were at the right spot, but he didn’t think so, so we went and took the other kids home and took this child back and it was the house I thought it was! Long story, and I don’t want to go to work today! If he treats me like shit today, I am calling in sick for the afternoon! I don’t need this along with all the rest of my issues!

Yesterday I tried so hard to stick to my eating, but I went over by 50 calories, but don’t think that is to bad considering my day!

I hope you are all having a great week!

Big HUGS!

Thank you everyone for your responses on my last blog!

It is so draining being ASSertive! I called the Dental Insurance again, and she checked everything while I was on hold for 10 minutes told me No, you don’t have coverage, call your employer! I called hubby tells me he got a fax from headquarters saying they took care of it! I say no it isn’t I just got off the phone with the Dental Insurance and she checked. He gives me the number of the person at headquarters and at first I don’t want to call them, but I think about it for a few minutes and decide to call. He tells me it is taken care of that he took care of it earlier in the day, it is probably just not updated to give it until Monday! And get this it is back dated to the first, Yea, because they have been deducting it all along! I was thinking, Bull shit, I didn’t have it and I want to be refunded, I doubt I will, but I haven’t had it I have paid for it and today is now the 16th! Why should I have to pay for insurance I don’t have!

I do think he feels threatened because I speak up! He tells me I embarress him when I speak up! He has never called me controlling before I honestly think that wasn’t his word, I think he got it from one of his buddy’s who knows what controlling is, he does it to his g/f. She is always, like Yes, anything you say to him. Alot like I use to be and refuse to be any more!

I love my husband with all of my heart, but I will not sit back and keep everything to myself and go back to the old way! When I hurt I am speaking up and not eating a box of cookies or a giant candy bar! If someone says something to me that is not nice I am telling them I don’t  like what you said to me! If someone makes a sexual or racial slur at work, I will continue to speak up! I don’t care anymore when I walk in there and hear you got watch what you say NOW, Bette Jo is here! Yes, they actually say that, because I have turned people in for talking filthy talk and I have turned people in for racial slurs and I will continue to do it!

Would you believe this did not cause me to have a set back today! I did not binge, I wanted too, but I didn’t do it! I opened the fridge about 5 different times and I was like Whooaaaa, don’t you dare! You don’t want to do that! Hubby will be home  shortly and I hope I can remain calm! We do need to have a talk about this, but I don’t think I can do it tonight and stay calm!

Hope you all had a great day!

Big HUGS!

Or am I being a Controling Bitch?

My hubby and I got into the biggest fight ever last night! He told me I was trying to control him! I feel I am just becoming more assertive and he doesn’t like it! I feel like I am more in control of myself than I ever have been! I speak out when I feel like I am being taken advantage of or somebody is walking all over me! I use to just keep everything all bottled up, and that is what gave me such a poor image of myself to beging with! That is what led to me trying to feed my emotions with food and made me overeat and become fat, and this led to me having an even worse self image! He told me that he didn’t want me to call him at work any more or for me to expect him to call me! It wasn’t neccasary for me to be checking up on him at work! I was like Wow! I didn’t think this is what I was doing! After 30 years I still love my husband and miss him so I just call to say hi, how is your day going? I want him to call me if he has to go on the road during the day or if he has to stay later! I didn’t know it was such a big deal! This just seemed so out of character for him to say to me! I totally flipped, and I asked him which one of his work buddy’s told him I was trying to control him?!! He told me, Nobody told him anything and to try to stop blaming things on everybody else! I can’t help it, I know what those people are like where he works. 5 people in the last 6 months have left their spouses for other people at work. It is a big Peyton Place! He told me to stop acting like I was better than everyone else! This stemmed from when I came in to meet him after work! The bitch in there who has caused me nothing but grief since the day she started was sitting outside having a cigarette, and he was out there too! I know he has to get along with her as he is her supervisor, but I don’t have to like her and I never will! I just walked past her and yes, I stuck my nose up in the air! Yes, I am better than she is! I didn’t have an affair with four different married men at work and finally get one of them to leave their spouse for me! I didn’t back stab her to gain control of the committee she forced me out of! I didn’t spread rumors about her! I wasn’t told to apologize to her for grief she has caused, she was told to apologize to me for all of her bullshit, and she has never once even tried!

Well my dental insurance still is not right either! It still only shows my husband having it! I have called work every single day about that! I was told on Friday that it was all straightened out! Well yesterday I went online once again and it still shows only hubby is insured! I called the dental insurance company to see what was going on! After sitting on hold for 20 minutes they tell me that I am not insured only my husband is, and to contact my employer! I call and of course hubby answers the phone and I ask for the boss, he hesitated, but then the boss picked up the line! I told him what I was told and the boss tells me it is not his Fault!! I was like well it is not my fault, and they told me to call my employer, I don’t have the main office numbers or know who to call! It is your job too, staighten this out! He tells me he will see what he can do, I should know something by the end of the day! Guess what, they told him it was straightened out, guess what again, it isn’t! I went online last night and again this morning, I am still not on it, yet they are deducting it from hubby’s paycheck. The insurance began for my hubby on the first and I am still not on it over 2 weeks later! I printed off 2 copies this morning, one for my records and one for them to fax to headquarters! I am sick of the shit and I am being a bitch because of it!

Grrrrr! I am tired of being a bitch because I assert myself! I guess, hubby would rather have the fat woman who just sat back and took everyone else’s shit! Well she is gone and she isn’t coming back!

Sorry for such a long vent, but I need to get it off my chest before I explode!

I hope everyone is having an awesome week!

Time for me to get off the computer and finish getting ready for work!

Have a great day!

Big HUGS!

Kind of like the fable of the tortoise and the hare!

Perseverance is the answer! I will win this race of losing weight and getting healthier! I have re-evaluated myself! How bad do I really want it! I want it bad! I want to be healthier! I have come this far and I will finish this race no matter what it takes! Could I have come further? Yes, but it is nobody’s fault but my own! Will I go further? Yes, because I know I can!

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.  ~Walter Elliott, The Spiritual Life

I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday.  ~Author Unknown

Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.  ~Robert Schuller

Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it.  The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.  ~Earl Nightingale

I hope you all had a great weekend and your week ahead is awesome!

Big HUGS!

The new company transition at work is a big pain in the a#s! Hubby still has a job, yea, but what is his job title and what is his job description? He has meetings and phone conferences and it changes every day! I am dealing with me feeling down and my hubby feeling down and not sure he wants to stay with the company and not knowing anything for sure! He comes home and night and just is so quiet and doesn’t want to share his feelings! Last night we got in a big fight over it! I share my feelings with him so easily and it is like pulling teeth to get him to share his! He was just sitting there for like an hour real quiet and not talking last night! All I did was say you are quiet what is wrong! He tells me like I told Ruthie ( a friend and co-worker) today I hate coming to work any more! I hate my job, I am thinking of leaving! I was like wait a minute! You can share this with Ruthie, but you don’t share it with me! He flew off the handle and tells me You know I don’t like talking about work at home! I am like I am your wife, this is something you need to share with me! Share your feelings with me! It affects me too! He just shuts me out! It makes me feel like crap!

I am fed up with all of the transition issues too! We have not had any insurances in forever. The company we worked for didn’t offer insurances. Now with the new company insurances we offered. we have to pay for them, but we decided to get the insurances. The drivers and monitors were offered a lower insurance than the office people so we decided to go with hubbys insurance. We did all the paper work and he put me on the insurances. The insurance was suppose to start on October 1st. Okay so on Monday, the 6th we finally get the insurance card for the medical insurance. We get one card, we go online and register, and I click on who is insured on this policy and it says just my hubby’s name! So of course I am upset! I am so upset that still nobody in the head office knows why or has even found out what is going on! We also signed up for dental insurance and eye care insurance and today is the 9th of October and it was suppose to start on the 1st and no insurance cards have even come for that! I have been having problems with my teeth for about 6 months and I have been hanging in there waiting and I can’t do anything until I have those insurance cards. I can’t even make an appointment until I get them to find out who takes them! Then who knows how  long I will have to wait for an appointment! Grrrrrrrrrrr!

I have been sticking to my plan! I am not excercising enough, but my eating has been good!

For awhile I was bouncing out of bed full of energy to start my day! Now I push that snooze and have to drag myself out of bed! I am lucky if I get my chores done around home let alone do anything extra!

I hope everyone is having a great week!

Big HUGS!

I won’t be home today inbetween my bus run! I have been selected for my random drug test at work! The old company only tested the drivers the new company tests ALL employees! I think it is a great idea! It is just a pain in my butt to figure out what to pack for the whole day! I usually eat my lunch at home and pack a snack for the afternoon before I leave for the afternoon run!

I also want to say if you haven’t already read other blogs about the Zig Zag diet check it out! I decided to give it a shot. I started yesterday!

http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm

I hope you are all having a great week! I will try to catch up on everything when I get home tonight!

Big HUGS!

It has been a very stressfull week. I have been feeling very down for most of it! I love my job, as a bus monitor for special needs children. I have 4 of them. They are like extra grandkids to me! The company I work for has made me feel like my job is not important! It sucks! Hubby is under a lot of stress with his job. He still has one but the job he does now is being eliminated and he doesn’t have a job title or even know exactly what his position will be! My hubby also has a weekend job so evening together are very important to me. This week has sucked he has been here, but falls asleep in the recliner every night by 8. Last night I had planned on a great dinner and lingerie! Didn’t happen, two of the grandkids had Open House at school! My son bought pizza and wings for dinner! I should have brought my own dinner! Nope, I  ate 2 pieces of pizza and 4 wings! I guess it could have  been worse! So that shot last night! Today hubby wants me to come in for lunch during my break between runs. Not sure I want to go in that place! The crap that goes on in there brings me down! I try not to judge people, but it is so hard in this situation! I value my marriage and it bothers me when other people don’t value theirs. My work place is Peyton Place! In the past 6 months 5 people have left their spouses for another at work! I think it is disgusting! Hubby tells me it is none of my business, and I agree, but I can’t help how I feel about it! My feelings are if you are unhappy with your marriage then you leave! After you leave you can then choose to be with someone else! You don’t go looking for a replacement while you are still married! I have been with my husband for 30 years next month! I know he would never cheat on me. yet I still get this idea in my head that it could happen! One of these people had been married almost as long as my hubby and me! I just need to get this off my chest!

I hope you are all having a super week!

Big HUGS!