Am I being Assertive?
Or am I being a Controling Bitch?
My hubby and I got into the biggest fight ever last night! He told me I was trying to control him! I feel I am just becoming more assertive and he doesn’t like it! I feel like I am more in control of myself than I ever have been! I speak out when I feel like I am being taken advantage of or somebody is walking all over me! I use to just keep everything all bottled up, and that is what gave me such a poor image of myself to beging with! That is what led to me trying to feed my emotions with food and made me overeat and become fat, and this led to me having an even worse self image! He told me that he didn’t want me to call him at work any more or for me to expect him to call me! It wasn’t neccasary for me to be checking up on him at work! I was like Wow! I didn’t think this is what I was doing! After 30 years I still love my husband and miss him so I just call to say hi, how is your day going? I want him to call me if he has to go on the road during the day or if he has to stay later! I didn’t know it was such a big deal! This just seemed so out of character for him to say to me! I totally flipped, and I asked him which one of his work buddy’s told him I was trying to control him?!! He told me, Nobody told him anything and to try to stop blaming things on everybody else! I can’t help it, I know what those people are like where he works. 5 people in the last 6 months have left their spouses for other people at work. It is a big Peyton Place! He told me to stop acting like I was better than everyone else! This stemmed from when I came in to meet him after work! The bitch in there who has caused me nothing but grief since the day she started was sitting outside having a cigarette, and he was out there too! I know he has to get along with her as he is her supervisor, but I don’t have to like her and I never will! I just walked past her and yes, I stuck my nose up in the air! Yes, I am better than she is! I didn’t have an affair with four different married men at work and finally get one of them to leave their spouse for me! I didn’t back stab her to gain control of the committee she forced me out of! I didn’t spread rumors about her! I wasn’t told to apologize to her for grief she has caused, she was told to apologize to me for all of her bullshit, and she has never once even tried!
Well my dental insurance still is not right either! It still only shows my husband having it! I have called work every single day about that! I was told on Friday that it was all straightened out! Well yesterday I went online once again and it still shows only hubby is insured! I called the dental insurance company to see what was going on! After sitting on hold for 20 minutes they tell me that I am not insured only my husband is, and to contact my employer! I call and of course hubby answers the phone and I ask for the boss, he hesitated, but then the boss picked up the line! I told him what I was told and the boss tells me it is not his Fault!! I was like well it is not my fault, and they told me to call my employer, I don’t have the main office numbers or know who to call! It is your job too, staighten this out! He tells me he will see what he can do, I should know something by the end of the day! Guess what, they told him it was straightened out, guess what again, it isn’t! I went online last night and again this morning, I am still not on it, yet they are deducting it from hubby’s paycheck. The insurance began for my hubby on the first and I am still not on it over 2 weeks later! I printed off 2 copies this morning, one for my records and one for them to fax to headquarters! I am sick of the shit and I am being a bitch because of it!
Grrrrr! I am tired of being a bitch because I assert myself! I guess, hubby would rather have the fat woman who just sat back and took everyone else’s shit! Well she is gone and she isn’t coming back!
Sorry for such a long vent, but I need to get it off my chest before I explode!
I hope everyone is having an awesome week!
Time for me to get off the computer and finish getting ready for work!
Have a great day!
Big HUGS!
I think this is just some adjustment for him…Sometimes, I have found, other peoples fears get projected onto us.
YOU HAVE CHANGED. Of course you have…You have dropped a significant amount of weight and feel good about it. He is reading those vibes and probably wondering where his old wife went and what this means to him…
I used to work at a place like the one you mention where affairs were the national past time…It drained me…Not a good situation…
So I wish you luck there!!!
Breathe, my dear! You aren’t a bitch because you assert yourself. I found the same thing happen to me. Once I stopped “taking it” and speaking my mind, my husband and I clashed. The most important thing is to be honest with him. Tell him how you’re really feeling in a neutral voice, so as not to come across as wanting to start an argument. Don’t go back, continue to blossom and grow and continue to discover who you are! A strong, beautiful, confident woman!
I sooooo relate! Im sure its a change for him, but he needs to see it as a positive, not that you are against him. People get used to us not standing up and then dont know how to deal when we do. Hang in there!!
A woman who speaks her mind is not a bitch. I believe people who call women bitches for havig an opinion are insecure with themselves and are really the problem. I’m speaking generally, not about your husband.
Have you and he ever talked about what has changed as you are losing weight, how different you feel, how he feels? It might be a good idea. As my boyfriend saw me slowly drop over 50 pounds, he started telling me he felt out of shape, like I would be disappointed with him since I was working so hard, and it definitely affected the way he sees me and himself. But you can’t know that if he doesn’t speak up, so maybe asking at a time when you are both calm is a good idea to bring some of that out.
You go girl. I feel the same way, I trust my husband but not other women. Some women are just evil and pride themselves on breaking up marriages, it’s a game to them. Your husband will have to get over the new you! I am proud of you! I have know of this happenening before, sometimes people want you to be fat and unhappy….I don’t understand it but it’s not good for you. Do what is good for you and let this woman know who is in charge.
You’ve gotten some good advice here from everyone and I really don’t know what I can add to it because I’ve not been in this situation. I can so though, that there is a huge difference between asserting yourself and being a bitch. There is nothing wrong with you being assertive and sticking up for yourself! It’s a good thing to be able to do.
I hope things look up for you soon and that dental insurance problem gets sorted soon. ***hugs***
All the above advice is great…don’t change who you are now you worked hard to get to this point and your new found confidence should not be an issue.