nana4

Just what I get for sticking up for myself. I am tired of dealing with my driver. He makes me feel like I don’t do anything right and it I know I am. I have talked about this in previous blogs. It is not just one issue it is numerous issues. My employer doesn’t want to address it and that make me feel bad. I have been offered a different run, and I told them I don’t find that acceptable. I was on this run first I have seniority! There thing is they treat bus drivers like they are God! They tell me I am right, but the driver doesn’t get anything they offer me another run or the solution of the day is give us a bus instead of the caravan we are using now! What is that going to do, put me on the bus with the same driver who I am having issues with. I don’t get it! I go to work every day! I do my job! I do my job well! I have a good relationship with the parents and the children! My driver treats me like I am stupid. Today was just the frosting on the cake. My son’s g/f made me a new CD yesterday of kids songs. I put it in and he didn’t like some of the songs! He tells me some of the songs are okay, but he doesn’t like the singers! I am thinking so fricking what!!!  The idea is to make the kids happy and get them to the school safely not to entertain him! So I pull out the CD and put it back in the case and ignore him the rest of the run! We drop off the kids at the school and we go to the service station we stop at in the morning to use the rest room! I call base and tell them I am not taking this crap any more! I get my stuff out of the van and ride back home on the other bus that transports to the same school. I tell them I am not going to work this afternoon! I am not working with that driver! It is not just this one issue it is numerous things leading up to it all combined! It is making me feel worthless and like I don’t matter because I am just the bus monitor! I think my job is very important and I do the best job possible! They tell me I am in the right, but offer me another run or the other option is a bus! I don’t get it! If I am in the right why do I get the shit! It makes no sense! I need my job! I love my kids! I don’t know what to do! It is so much bull! I want to scream, pull out my hair, eat every thing in the house! I won’t, because I won’t cave in to my emotions! I am home this afternoon until they figure out what to do! I know it won’t be my way! I am sick of feeling this way! Am I too emotional? Maybe! I just don’t like feeling like my feelings don’t matter! I suggested they give him a run without a monitor, but that got shot down!

I hate it that lately I have been feeling so negative, but I have to vent! I need to get it out or I will explode!

Hope you are all having a better day than me!

Big HUGS!

I keep talking about how I have gained the same pounds all winter long. Well when I take a look at the past year, it has not been a very big loss! So actually it has been all year long! I am going to take my life back and get it done this year! No more games no more excuses! I am going to work my ass off and get it done.

I have been great at telling all of my buddies to make themselves #1 and I have been putting myself last! NO MORE!

My middle son and his g/f have been staying with us for a few weeks now. He has been working the whole time, she got a job as a sub monitor where we work. When they moved in hubby and I told them they would need to help with things around the house………Yea Right! I do 99 % of the work around here. Today I am not only cleaning and organizing my house, I am making new rules and there is going to be some big changes going on!

Things have been bad for us financially since I was out of work for my surgery and now it looks like maybe  we are finally getting caught up. I have used this as an excuse for not eating right too! This week, I bought me some Healthy Choices and Lean Cuisine for when they are all having their unhealthy dinners.

Last night my youngest son and his g/f came over to spend the night. Well the two sons g/f don’t care for each other I guess. Well that is not my problem and they are going to be civil or I am going to speak my piece. I have gone this route with my oldest son and his wife telling me they don’t like the g/f of the other brothers. I told them tough crap! You don’t get to pick their g/f. If my mother in law had gotten to pick my hubby’s wife it wouldn’t have been me either! Either they can all get along or just  keep their mouths shut, I just don’t want to hear it any more!

I am going to start making me #1 and take care of me! I am going to proud of me and do what I have to do in order to get there! I am not going to let anybody or anything stand in my way any more! No more excuses, no more bullshit!

I am so glad for my buddies that have been here for me with all of their support, motivation and inspiration and on occasional butt kicking!

I hope you all have an amazing weekend!

Biggest HUGS Ever!

You have got to be kidding! With all the back biters where I work, I wouldn’t join anything they do. I have always been envious of the ones on here that post about Biggest Loser and weight loss clubs at work. It wouldn’t work where I work. I know that no place of work is perfect and there is always issues, but this is the worst place I have ever worked for nastiness and dirty deeds and betraying others. Now they are talking of setting up a Biggest Loser Contest! I don’t go in to my place of work often. I am lucky I get picked up at home and dropped off at home by my driver. I am a bus monitor for special needs preschoolers. I don’t go in there unless there is a meeting or I go in every once in awhile to go out to lunch with my hubby who is the dispatcher/supervisor. I am just going to say No thank you if they ask me to join! I will leave it at that unless they get annoying about why I don’t want to join! Knowing how they are they are not going to take no for an answer and I will have to tell them more than once!

Not a good week for me so far! I switched back to my Carb Addicts Diet and it was a gain! Yesterday, I had some very emotional issues challenging me and I binged! So today, I am back to counting calories and journaling my food!

I hope everyone is having an amazing week!

 Big HUGS!

Most of the time, I think it is hog wash! I always read mine on my home page every day anyways and laugh about it, because I think you can turn it around any way to fit any situation! Todays was different for me!

My horoscope for today!

The key word for you today is boundaries, dear Taurus, so think for a minute about what this means to you. Is it time to sit down with yourself, and have a serious talk? Set some limits for yourself and be honest with yourself about where you should go about drawing the line. Your health, your state of mind, and your relationship with others all depend on you taking the initiative to know when to say no in certain situations.

It is so funny that my counselor suggested that I read a book called

WHERE TO DRAW THE LINE

I ordered it off ebay and it came in the mail yesterday! I skimmed through it last night and found it very interesting. Hoping I can learn something from it! Can’t wait until I have a chance to really sit down and read it!

Biggest HUGS!

First off, thanks to everyone that commented on my ranting blog~

A decision was made, by the boss~ It was as I figured~I was offered a choice of two other runs~ I am so pissed off~ Hubby told me it was not his decision it was other boss as it is a conflict of interest for him~ I guess I know how important they think monitors are~ I did nothing wrong!~I don’t want to leave my kids~I am staying with my run and complaining every time something happens! Yesterday went okay, it was as if nothing had ever been said!~ I love these kids, they are like extra grandchildren to me!!

On a happiere note, I did stick to plan. I wasn’t going to weigh myself until tomorrow, but I did this morning~ No loss, but I maintained~ Tomorrow is my weigh in, so we will see what that brings!

Hope you are all having a great week!

Big HUGS!

I have been trying so hard to stay upbeat and happy, but sometimes you just have to get somethings off your chest before you do it! When I was thinking of leaving buddyslim, so many buddies told me don’t do it! I didn’t do it!

I had a super bad day at work yesterday! For those of you who don’t know I am a bus monitor for special needs preschoolers. My hubby also works for the same company! Not a good idea to have your hubby for one of the bosses! Well anyways, my driver was a real jerk yesterday! First in the morning. We have a little girl, that loves to take off her shoes, to me no big deal, I will put them back on her when we get to the school. We use a caravan and she sits right behind him. Anyways he tells me that I need to reach back there and hold her hands down so she can’t do that. This is what the sub did while I was off when I had my surgery! I told him number one I am not doing that because you cannot restrain a child like that and number two I am not going to pull muscles in my arm doing that! I was so pissed I called in to work and quit, but they wouldn’t let me………LOL……then the afternoon got even better! We had dropped off our first two children. I use the mirror on my visor and turn around to watch my children when all of  a sudden he reaches over and snaps my visor up and shouts PUT THAT UP~ IT CONFUSES ME WHEN I AM BACKING UP! I didn’t say a word to him the rest of the run~ Well I hate talking about work at home, but when hubby got home, I told him about it and said I can’t work with him anymore! His suggestion to give me another run! I was like bullshit! That was my run first, I didn’t do anything wrong and I don’t want to give up my run~ I called our boss and they are going to figure out this morning what they are going to do! I tell you what I am not going to be the one changing! If I do, I know the parents will be calling~ When I was off having my surgery two of the four parents called to check on me and see when I was coming back~ This is my third year for one and my second year for another. The parents like knowing who their child is with and they like me the kids like me and we have good communication! I didn’t even want to get up this morning, and I am not looking forward to going to work! I don’t know how long it will take them to settle what they are going to do~

Even with having an upsetting day yesterday, I stuck to my eating plan, which is amazing for me because I am such an emotional eater!

I hope you are all having a great week!

Big HUGS!

I am so tired of being on the pity pot! Damn it, I am going to throw it out the window!

I actually had decided yesterday to leave Buddyslim! What the heck was I thinking? I have been here for almost 3 years and my buddies are more like family than most of my family! I didn’t want my down feeling rubbing off on my buddies! I am getting so discouraged lately with all the crap I have going on, and feeling sorry for myself. I have gotten so far behind on everything while I was off work having my surgery! I have been robbing Peter to pay Paul and it just isn’t working any more! Nobody wants to work with me and I have made phone calls galore! Hubby and I both work so we don’t qualify for HEAP! I violated my payment agreement with my utility bill by paying my electric bill late. I have an old bill from years ago that I was paying on along with my regular bill each month. I have been doing it for a long time and because I payed it late one month , I have now violated my payment agreement and they are demanding everything I owe them by the 20th of this month! I have begged, cried and pleaded but to no avail! Now if I was on Social Services, they would pay my bill for me, but because hubby and I work we don’t qualify for any help! It doesn’t matter that I live in the country and we have a well so no electric, no water, I wouldn’t even be able to flush my toilet! Come hell or high water, I will figure it out before they shut me off!

I have also been putting myself last at home, again! I have let my good eating and excercise come to a halt! Not any more! What good does it do me to sit back and eat a package of cookies and say it doesn’t matter! It does matter! Putting those pounds back on is not going to help me! So along with all the encouraging words you all give me, give me a big kick in the butt!

Today is a new day and I am throwing out the pity pot and starting new!

Love you all!

Big HUGS!

and you don’t go participate because you had a bad week and you are afraid you are letting your team down? Don’t feel that way! I use to feel that way and I would stay away from my teams forums or even completely away from buddyslim. Now I know better if I am having a bad week I don’t stay away I come on even more often because I know I need my buddies even more. So if you are staying away from your teams please go participate and get that support you need! We are all here for the same reason to lose weight and get healthy! Ask for help from a buddy if you need to know something! Ask for an opinion if you need to! Ask for some extra support! I know my buddies have done more for me as far as support than my family can ever do! My buddies understand because they have many of the same issues! We are all here to lose weight and become healthier! Think about it!

Big HUGS!

I was going through my buddy list this morning and it made me sad! More than half of my buddies haven’t been here in weeks or even months! Some I have no idea why they left, and I only hope they would come back! I know I would never have come as far as I have without Buddyslim and all of my buddies that have been here for me! I don’t have the support of my family and friends that I do with my buddies her! We know what it is like to be overweight and unhealthy and we support each other through thick and thin! We cheer each other on and kick each other in the butt! We give a hug and a boost when we need it! I wish my MIA buddies would come back!

So far this week looks good for me! I am hoping and working on a good loss for this week! With the support of my buddies (friends) I know I can succeed!

I hope everyone is having a great week!

Big HUGS!

I fall off the wagon, but I doubt it will be! I have been losing and gaining back the same pounds all month long! I lost 5 lbs this week. I have 8 lbs until I reach my next mini goal! That goal will put me in onederland! I have not been in onederland in about 30 years! I have had a very stressfull month and have been in one hell of a funk! With the help of my buddies, I think I have pulled it all together! I am going to reach this mini goal this month! I am going to reach my ultimate goal by the end of the year! When I reach that goal, I am not leaving Buddyslim either! I am going to stick around, because I know that this is for a lifetime! I need to keep on top of it or I will be back where I started! I have learned a lot along the way, but every day I still continue to learn!

I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend! I hope you have super week! Remember, this is a new day, new week, and a new month! Baby steps, Baby steps, You can do it! I can do it! We can do it!

Big HUGS!