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I have had a lot of set backs lately! I am and will always be an emotional eater! I just need to have other options available when this happens! I know what is going to happen this is what made me fat to begin with!

I read other buddies blogs and how they go for a walk or do some other excercise! I have a hard time doing this, but I am going to give it a shot! They say 90 % of the battle with excercise is getting it started and once you start you will continue!

Saturday I went to a casino with my older sisters and a neice and her friend. We had a good time even though none of us won anything! It was something different! Yesterday was spent at home getting some much needed housework done!

I also spent some time on the computer, I caught Kimmi online at Facebook a couple times and we had a nice chat. It was really nice getting to know her a little better.

Well I better go finish getting ready for work.

I hope you all have a super day!

Big HUGS!

I feel like my life is spiraling out of control! I can’t get a grip on what to do! I am an emotional mess right now! I know what needs to be done to accomplish my goals, but can’t seem to do it! I have no energy to do what needs to be done! All it takes is my husband to say some stupid little thing and I am off crying! I have been taking everything, everyone says to heart! I am either crying or bitching! I want everything perfect and want to fix everything for everybody and I have to make myself realize this is impossible!! I am so physically and mentally drained that I just can’t seem to organize anything in my life!

My mom is in a nursing facility and has been for over a year! About six months ago they had to take her off her blood thinner because of other health issues and so we don’t know how long she will be with us because they say this could cause another stroke! I get so depressed when I go see her I don’t go as often as I should. We both get so frustrated because she can’t communicate very well and it is all I can do to not cry while I am there!

I miss my son who moved to VA! He seems to be doing well and has a job and is staying with my youngest sister! Just before he left he was with this girl and she is pregnant and they broke up. The way things are adding up, I don’t believe the baby is my son’s! She has been horrible and telling a lot of crap! She was sending me horrible text messages telling me horrible things and blaming me for things! I know my son is not perfect, but believe me this girl is a pschyo!  She sent me 34 texts within a two day period, she finally stopped when I told her to stop harassing me and that I had saved  her texts.She supposedly is due in the middle of Sept. and sent my youngest son’s g/f a text almost two weeks ago that she had the baby and sent her a pic. which of course she passed on. Then this girl posted a message on facebook about how amusing it was that people believe anything and pass on rumors!

My youngest son  who is 20 is in jail for violating probation for a minor stupid act he committed! His g/f is also pregnant! Well she wrote him a dear John letter and doesn’t go see him. He is so depressed over it! His g/f has been good with me and I even went to her ultrasound last week! I know a lot of this has to do with her being pregnant and feeling alone with Ethan in jail and not being here for her. I just want to shake her and say wake up! You two have been together for over two years and you are having a baby together. He will be out by the end of next month and the baby is not due until December!  I already have one grandchild with my middle son that I don’t see because he is not with her mother and she plays games with us seeing her! I just can’t go through this again!

I need to take my own advice and take those baby steps to get back on track! I need to stop trying to fix things out of my control!

I am so thankful for all of my buddies that offer me the support I would not have without them! I will get my motivation back, it is just going to be a little at a time! I have to stop hiding under the rocks and get out of my comfort zone again! I can and I will do this!

Hope you are all having a super week!!

Big HUGS!

I am just so tired and drained, both physically and emotionally! I know what I need to do to not feel this way! Why can’t I do it? I know how much better I feel both physically and emotionally when I take care of me!

Yesterday I think my hubby had PMS he was so crabby all day! I took every little thing he said personally and I felt so down! I know he is under a lot of stress from work and I usually try to understand this, but yesterday he was being nit picky about everything I said or did! He doesn’t understand the stress I am under with things in my life! He doesn’t let the bills get to him, he doesn’t get it because I am the one that robs Peter to pay Paul! I want to take our vacation to Virginia next month, but can’t figure out how we are going to do it and keep up on our bills too! He doesn’t help with things around the house, but complains when it isn’t up to his standards! When I was gone for three days last week to go to my uncles funeral he didn’t do a thing here! He couldn’t even take the garbage to the curb (he forgot, I wasn’t here to remind him)!

I am going to take a little time off BS today, and try to get things more organized! Not for him, but for me! I think if I can get my environment more organized I can get myself more organized and back on track! I will be back on tonight!!

I am so thankful to all of my buddies (Friends) who offer me support, motivation, inspiration and encouragement!

I hope everyone has an awesome day!!

Biggest HUGS!

Thank you for reminding me of that! The grandchildren I already have love to come spend time with me! As a matter of fact my six year old grandaughter Natasha, wants to live with me……LOL ……….I hope when Paityn is born it will be the same way! I love that little girl already and can’t wait for the day she is born! I just wonder what is going to be left for me to buy her! Some of the things are going to be for here anyways when she comes over so she can have things here with this set of grandparents. I do this already with the other ones so all we have to do is bring the grand-kids or if they are here visiting and want to stay they already have clothes and stuff here.

Yesterday was not a good day for me as far as eating went and I really have to work out a new plan of action! Yesterday was a good Grandma day though! New memories and lots of fun and laughs, I went on the slide with the kids and they all laughed and though that was so funny!

Thank you for all the wonderful comments it made me feel so much better about it all!!

Big HUGS!

For those who read my last blog you know how bad I was. I have such a hard time getting back on track once I have a fall like that. Each day since then has started out well and by the end of the day I screw up! If it isn’t one excuse it is another!

My scales proved how bad I did I am up 5 lbs. ! It really sucks big time, but I can’t blame anyone but myself!

Yesterday I went to my son Ethan’s g/f Colby’s ultrasound. It was so exciting because I have 4 grandchildren already and have never been to an ultrasound! I was so excited that she asked me!! She had taken one of those new home predictors they have out and she thought it was a boy, but the ultrasound yesterday is 89% it is a GIRL! I have 3 grandaughters and 1 grandson now so a grandson would have been great, but I don’t really care what it is as long as it is healthy!! Everything looks great and the due date is December 5th!

I was so excited about the ultrasound and how well we could see the baby, she was sucking her thumb……I cried tears of joy at seeing this……..it was such a beautiful experience! My big let down was when Colby’s mom and grandma that were also there were talking about all the boy things they had already bought and had to take back and had receipts for the 1,300 dollars already spent! (Their first grandchild) I don’t have money like that and I have 4 other grandkids! I know in my heart that it doesn’t matter, but it still hurt so bad. I tried talking with my hubby about how it made me feel and he told me it doesn’t bother me don’t let it bother you! I was so hurt!!

Today is my hubby’s family reunion and I plan on staying on track we are taking chicken and I am making my oriental coleslaw. It is just so hard when there is so many goodies around. I hope the day is nice with no rain, there is a nice playground for my grandkids and I too play!

I also colored my hair again this time I think I have the perfect color! I will have hubby take a picture later so I can change my profile picture!!

Have a super weekend!

Big HUGS!

I don’t even want to get on the scales Friday! I know it is going to be bad, but it was nobody’s fault, but my own! It was an emotional filled couple days going to Marland for my Uncles funeral! It was also the first time going anywhere without my hubby! We ate out to much, snacked to much! I was completely out of control! I was completely the old me and I don’t like her to much! Why after almost three years do I continue to do this? I am a smoker, and I took the trip with 3 non-smokers and I did so awesome not smoking, but then substituted with food! I know I am not ready to give up that vice! I need to be in control and due it on my terms and it can’t be while I am a working on losing weight! I need to do one thing at a time!

I hope to have laptop by the time I take my trip to Virginia next month! I can’t be away from all of you for that long again! Missed you all!!

Hope you all have a great day!

I will try to catch up with you all later,but right now it is off to work in a few minutes!!

Big HUGS!

It has been crazy, but I got through it!

Started back to work Monday with a new run, new driver (s), new kids and more hours. I always have trouble adjusting to a new routine. I did okay but not great! I had a maintain, but HEY I will take it! A maintain is better than a gain!

I also had a dental appointment on Wednesday! I have a bad infection that I am on an antibotic for and when that is better I am getting 2 tooth pulled and they set up my appointments to get the rest of the dental work done I need to do! GRRRRR I use to have great teeth until about a year ago and then they started going to h*ll! I am not looking forward to what I have to have done,but I am looking forward to smiling again!!

Wednesday I decided to find out why I wasn’t put back on the committee I use to be on and was forced out of by a co-worker that is no longer there! I was told it was because I don’t go into base enough! I told them if that is the case I would come in more often if I had a reason too!! I am back on the commitee! It is an employee committee that is suppose to be a liason between employees and management! Then when hubby gets home he tells me I am now also on the Safety Committee!! LOL…….I didn’t ask for that one, but what the heck! They all say I like to run my mouth at least I will have a reason too! I know it will be more added to what I already need to do, but I feel like I can make a difference at work and speak up for those whoe don’t feel they can!

I may not be on much the next few days! My Uncle Butch in Maryland passed away yesterday and I may be making a trip down there with my sister, neice and sister in law! I don’t know yet if I am but I will know by the end of the day!

I am off to try to finish up on blogs and boosters!

Have a super day!

Big HUGS!

How many times have I said it? Not sure, but I mean it! I really got off track last week with my bad tooth! I am hoping to get that taken care of today!

Today is also the start of my summer run! This is going to be totally different for me! My summer runs for the past three summers consisted of dropping the kids off at school at 8:30 doing what we wanted for three hrs. (my favorites, yard sales, thrift shop, or going to the park). We then picked the kids up at school at 11:30 took them home and I was home and done for the day by 1:30. My new run consists of leaving home at 6:30 getting kids to school by 9, coming home for 2 hrs. leaving taking a child home at 11:30 getting home again about 1:30 leaving again at 2:30 taking the rest home and not getting back home until 5:00! Not only is this a new run, it is a new school, new kids, and a new driver. I know the driver and I should be able to get along well with her, just a couple issues I will address with her right off! She is one of the bosses favorites so sometimes she doesn’t think she has to follow rules, and I am a rule follower so we may just clash there!

I am going to get back on track today with food and excercise! I will just have to adjust my schedule to get it done! I am going to try finding more time to come on once I get use to  my new schedule. I am one of those people that doesn’t adjust well to changes! By the time the I get use to my new schedule (summer school is for 6 weeks), I will get a new schedule!!

I hope you all have a great week!!

Big HUGS!

I was searching for excercise programs on TV. I came across this one and decided to share it! It is called “Christian Fitness”. I have tons of videos, but the way our Dishnetwork got set up with the DVR you have to unplug stuff in order to plug in the DVD player. I am not to hot when it comes to figuring out what cords are what and what to unplug or not unplug so I didn’t want to mess with it! I taped one episode so far on the DVR and I thought it was amazing! You get excercise, fitness tips and scriptures all in one amazing program. You can even watch it on your computer. I have dial up so that it out for me, but I already have my DVR set up to record them for me! Check it out!

http://www.christianfitnesstv.com/

My food journal for yesterday

Tuesday June 30	SparkPeople Sponsors help keep the site free!
		CALORIES	CARBS	FAT	PROTEIN	MORE NUTRIENTS

Apples, fresh, 1 large (3-1/4″ dia) (approx 2 per lb) 125 32 1 0 Kellogg’s NutriGrain Cereal Bar, Mixed Berry, 1 serving 140 26 3 1

Arnold Select Sandwich Thins Multi Grain 1 Sandwich thin, 1 serving 100 22 1 4 Kraft Free Catalina Salad Dressing, 2 tbsp 50 11 0 0 Turkey Burger, Jennie-O, 4 oz 170 0 8 23 Iceberg Lettuce (salad), 1 cup, shredded or chopped 8 2 0 0 Honey Mustard, 1 tsp 10 1 0 0

McCormick GrillMates Montreal Steak Seasoning, 1 tsp 0 0 0 0 Mashed Potatoes, 1 cup 162 37 1 4 Schwan’s California Blend, 1 cup 29 5 0 1 Pork, fresh, loin, center loin (chops), bone-in, separable lean and fat, cooked, broiled, 3 oz 204 0 11 24 Gravy, dry, 0.5 cup (8 fl oz) 43 7 1 2 Bread, pumpernickel, 2 slice, thin 100 19 1 3 butter spread with yogurt, 2 tbsp 90 0 10 0

Milk, 2%, 0.5 cup 61 6 2 4 Oranges, 1 large (3-1/16″ dia) 86 22 0 2 Bread, pumpernickel, 1 slice, thin 50 10 1 2 Peanut Butter, smooth style, 1 tbsp 95 3 8 4 Cereal, Kellogg’s Special K Cinnamon Pecan, 0.75 cup 120 25 2 2

			CALORIES	CARBS	FAT	PROTEIN
			1,642	227	51	77
			1,310 - 1,660	176 - 254	35 - 61	60 - 136
			0 - 18	0 - 27	0 - 10	0 - 59

My excercise journal for yesterday! Not all that I planned,but great for me! 40 minutes of excercise is wonderful for me!!

Low impact aerobics 20 minutes Dancing fast 20 minutes  I am so excited to be back on track with a great new plan! I know that I can stick with it too! I hope you are all having an amazing day!! Biggest HUGS to everyone!! Love ya!