nana4

I feel like my life is spiraling out of control! I can’t get a grip on what to do! I am an emotional mess right now! I know what needs to be done to accomplish my goals, but can’t seem to do it! I have no energy to do what needs to be done! All it takes is my husband to say some stupid little thing and I am off crying! I have been taking everything, everyone says to heart! I am either crying or bitching! I want everything perfect and want to fix everything for everybody and I have to make myself realize this is impossible!! I am so physically and mentally drained that I just can’t seem to organize anything in my life!

My mom is in a nursing facility and has been for over a year! About six months ago they had to take her off her blood thinner because of other health issues and so we don’t know how long she will be with us because they say this could cause another stroke! I get so depressed when I go see her I don’t go as often as I should. We both get so frustrated because she can’t communicate very well and it is all I can do to not cry while I am there!

I miss my son who moved to VA! He seems to be doing well and has a job and is staying with my youngest sister! Just before he left he was with this girl and she is pregnant and they broke up. The way things are adding up, I don’t believe the baby is my son’s! She has been horrible and telling a lot of crap! She was sending me horrible text messages telling me horrible things and blaming me for things! I know my son is not perfect, but believe me this girl is a pschyo!  She sent me 34 texts within a two day period, she finally stopped when I told her to stop harassing me and that I had saved  her texts.She supposedly is due in the middle of Sept. and sent my youngest son’s g/f a text almost two weeks ago that she had the baby and sent her a pic. which of course she passed on. Then this girl posted a message on facebook about how amusing it was that people believe anything and pass on rumors!

My youngest son  who is 20 is in jail for violating probation for a minor stupid act he committed! His g/f is also pregnant! Well she wrote him a dear John letter and doesn’t go see him. He is so depressed over it! His g/f has been good with me and I even went to her ultrasound last week! I know a lot of this has to do with her being pregnant and feeling alone with Ethan in jail and not being here for her. I just want to shake her and say wake up! You two have been together for over two years and you are having a baby together. He will be out by the end of next month and the baby is not due until December!  I already have one grandchild with my middle son that I don’t see because he is not with her mother and she plays games with us seeing her! I just can’t go through this again!

I need to take my own advice and take those baby steps to get back on track! I need to stop trying to fix things out of my control!

I am so thankful for all of my buddies that offer me the support I would not have without them! I will get my motivation back, it is just going to be a little at a time! I have to stop hiding under the rocks and get out of my comfort zone again! I can and I will do this!

Hope you are all having a super week!!

Big HUGS!